Cardiology and Tapioca Pudding

What do they have in common you ask?  Nothing.  One scares the shit out of me, and the other is my perfect comfort food.  I suppose without one, I'd have no excuse for the other.  Maybe that's as close as they come to being in common.

I had another echo this afternoon.  No change, which I suppose is good.  You'd think by now it would have sunk in that he's not going to just get better on his own.  Yet I pray every day for just that very thing.  The tech asked me if I was grateful for having received his diagnosis ahead of time.  I told her it was a mixed blessing.  I admitted that I can finally be thankful, knowing that I will deliver in a room full of people who already know what is going on and can step in and help.  But on the other hand, this is the last pregnancy for me, and I find myself too worried to just enjoy and appreciate it for what it is.  So that's hard.

Dr. Adel came in for a few, answered a couple of questions and then sent us off.  We toured "labor and delivery" which consisted of 2 labor and recovery rooms, and 1 operating room.  With Mason, I was wheeled in, drugged to the hills, with really no idea of what my surroundings looked like.  Today, staring into that cold and sterile operating room, it really hit me.  And it hit me hard.  Chris toured the Cardiac ICU area and I sat and had a good cry.  It's like, one day I am fine.  Better than fine.  I am hopeful and optimistic and nothing can touch me.  And then reality comes and slaps me in the face, like a cold stinky fish tail and all of a sudden my mind is where my mind does not belong.  Those are the times I come home and make tapioca pudding.  And wish my mother was here.

We met very briefly with Dr. Campbell, one of the surgeons.  There had been an emergency transplant case, and all three surgeons were scrubbed in.  So our conversation with him was short.  I mostly just wanted to see if he agreed with what we are hearing, and also just to meet him.  He is also optimistic that we will get the PA Band and not the Norwood surgery, which is wonderful news.  I continue to pray.

So that's all for now.  I go see the OB on Friday, re-taking my gestational diabetes test then.  For now, I will go drown my worries and fear and sorrows in a bowl of tapioca pudding.