Not Sure I Can Do This

I am starting to doubt if I can go through with Jackson's next surgery.  In the past week, two little babies have lost their fight.  One was a friend, here in Denver.  Another is a "facebook friend" on line in California.  I asked Jackson's cardiologist what would happen if we didn't do this surgery.  And his answer was that Jackson would die.  I mean, not tomorrow.  But, his half a heart would grow too tired to do all the work of a whole heart and it would give out.  He would die.  But, damn it, these babies had the surgery, and they still died.  So, why should I?  Why would I?  The calendar is staring me in the face.  Taunting me with each passing day that leaves us closer to surgery.

I am tired of being strong and brave.  I am tired of always saying it's fine.  Or I'm fine.  I'm not fine.  I am a nervous wreck over something that isn't even on the schedule yet.  I am sick and tired and worried.  I am sad and angry.  And I am doubting all of this.  But I know, deep down, that we have to do this.  We've always said our decisions for Jackson would be for quality of life, not for quantity.  Who has to have those kinds of discussions?  What parents have to make those choices?  Heart moms and dads, that's who.

Everyone says that god only gives us what we can handle.  Well, let me be the first to say that today I feel like he's been a little over zealous with his faith in us.  I don't feel like I can handle all of this.  I don't want to handle all of this.  I want to take Jackson and run away with him.  I want to take him someplace were they aren't going to break his chest open, again, and operate on his little heart, again.  I want to take him someplace where he will be safe.  As his momma, this is killing me.  To hand him over so they can cut him open.  Again.  I am not sure where to get the courage and strength that this is going to take.  Right now all I can do is cry for my friends, and their angel babies.  And cry for my sweet Jackson.

Heartache and Heartbreak

I haven't blogged since Jackson was born.  Updates were sent by text messages and emails and phone calls.  I haven't needed a safe place to unload my emotions.  Until now.  You see, this weekend a heart momma friend of mine lost her little boy.  Liam was only 8 months old.  8 months.

He had a similar heart condition to Jackson.  They are both single ventricle kids.  Half a heart kids.  I met Liam this summer when I was still pregnant.  Jessica opened up her home and her life to me.  She told me about Liam's birth and surgery.  She didn't really know me at all, and yet she held my hand when I cried.  And she urged me to go forward with the pregnancy and gave me faith to continue.  Over the summer I got to know her better and when Jackson was born, she checked in on me frequently.  She was a good friend.

Liam lost his battle in the early morning hours Saturday.  He wasn't sick.  He wasn't in the hospital.  He wasn't in the cardiac ICU.  He was at home, with his parents.  It scares the ever loving shit right out of me, to think that he could go that quickly.  Without warning.

This world where babies are born sick just plain sucks.  And it has existed long before I joined it and it will exist long after I leave it.  It's not fair.  And it hurts.  And I hate it.  I hate having to be a part of it.  I hate having friends who are part of it.  And I hate that we lose babies in it.

Liam's service is this weekend.  3 days before Christmas, my heart momma friend and her husband will bury their 8 month old baby.  Where is the fair in that?

And yet, selfishly, I sit here and look at Jackson.  And I worry and I wonder and I cry.  It could just as easily be us, loosing Jackson.  We are given these special babies for whatever time god gives them here on earth.  We have the privilege of being their parents.  We protect them and care for them and love them.  And then we hand them back over to god when he comes and calls them home. 

My heart aches for this heart momma friend of mine.  It hurts for her.  It hurts for the loss of her child.  And it hurts with fear over the idea of losing my own child.

Last Official Apt at Childrens

We had our last apt at Childrens on Friday afternoon.  Echo of Jackson's heart, followed by a meeting with the cardiologist and then a big team meeting.  The echo was pretty uneventful.  Dr. Adel came in and took some more pictures of things.  Now that Jackson is so far along, it gets hard to see his heart through his chest bones.  But he got some "pretty pictures" as he called them.  He told us that nothing substantial had changed, which was good.  He feels the pulmonary artery and the aorta are both continuing to grow and develop, which is good.  While he won't commit to anything, he feels pretty confident that once Jackson is born, he will do a pretty decent job of holding his own.  Since he has Double Outlet Right Ventricle, his heart will mix some oxygenated blood in with the non oxygenated blood.  Which is good.  He said it could buy us as much as 6 weeks before he needs the surgery to place a band around his pulmonary artery.  He's hoping we will both be discharged on Sunday, the 14th.  WOW!!  That is awesome news!  Unless of course you are my parents, who have put in vacation time, and bought plane tickets, to be here through mid November.  Then it's maybe not such good news, knowing they will have to instead go home in between for a while and then come back so they can be here when the surgery does take place.  But, that's a bridge for another day.

We wandered up to the ever elusive 9th floor (where you go when you are out of the heart ICU but not ready to go home) and met a new heart family.  Lindsay and her husband David and their heart warrior son, Avery.  Lindsay and I hooked up this summer.  While in church one Sunday, someone passed a prayer card forward asking us to pray for her niece, who had a baby who only had half a heart.  Needless to say, that very afternoon I was emailing the aunt to get in touch with her niece!!  Her son recently had his 2nd surgery.  The surgery itself went fine, but he's having some other complications.  I am hoping she is not still there when I deliver in 1 1/2 weeks. 

Tonight, Chris and I are sneaking away for the night.  Our 6 year wedding anniversary is a few days before Jackson gets here.  A friend is coming to stay with Mason for the afternoon, and evening.  I've never spent a night away from Mason.  Lord help me!  I know this will be harder on him than me, for sure.  He and Aunt Erika are going to have a blast.  She's so good with kids.  Looking forward to a little romantic time with my husband before we embark on the roller coaster ride of our lives.

Birthday Party

 

Just a few pics from the party this weekend.

Happy 3rd Birthday My Beautiful Son

Today Mason turned 3 years old.  We celebrated with phone calls from Grandma Donna, presents, and dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings for some chicken nuggets and french fries.  And of course, a slice of chocolate cake and ice cream, cause dad just had to tell the waiter it was Mason's birthday.  I really don't know who is the bigger chocoholic . . . . but I think it just might be Mason.  And if you know Chris, that really should scare you!!

I can't imagine my life without Mason.  When I think back to the days of not wanting kids, I can't believe I ever felt that way.  My world spins around that boy, he is the center of my universe.  And I would be lost without him.

I love you Mason Allen, so much more than you'll ever know.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  xoxo

Confession

The associate pastor at my church has 3 boys.  1 older son, and then twin boys.  From what I've been told, somewhere around 25 weeks she started to have a leak in her amniotic sack, that went undetected.  And once they realized it, it was too late.  Damage had been done.  Josh, one of the twins, suffered serious brain damage.  He is in a wheel chair and has some cerebral palsy type issues.  He will never live an independent life.  When they are gone, he will have to be placed in a nursing home.  It breaks my heart to see him every Sunday.  I have always secretly wished she wasn't there, with her sons.  They made me feel guilty for having a healthy child.  I wished that she would leave the church and never come back.

When I found out I was pregnant with Jackson, one day sitting in the pews, I looked at Josh, and then I looked towards the sky, and said to god "don't you do that to me".  I can't help but sometimes wonder if he's punishing Jackson for what I said.  It was horrible and selfish and I wish I could take it back.  But I can't.  I pushed god, and I think god pushed back.

I found my way to a "heart momma" chat board.  It's full of moms and dads with heart babies.  Some sever, like Jackson's.  Some less sever, but scary just the same.  And when it's a good day or week on the board, I am filled with a sense of peace and comfort and I think "we can do this".  But then when it's bad, it's awful.  In the 3 months I've been there, 4 babies have lost their fight.  We just lost another last night.  And when that happens to these poor families, all I can do is think about Jackson and worry and cry and hate this shitty situation for all that it is.  And all that I can not control.

We are 3 weeks out from his birth, and the closer it gets, the more I start to loose my grasp on staying positive.

There are some local Denver heart families, and we are getting together this weekend.  I don't think it could come at a better time, for me, to be surrounded by their kids who are living and thriving.  I need to see that there is hope and there is promise and there is a future.  And it can include Jackson.

Heart Baby Prayer #2

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by Emily Perl Kingsley

 

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.

Heart Baby Prayer

It's a beautiful day up in heaven. Jesus is rounding up his tiniest angels, to go live on earth, and be born. One of the sweetest angels says to Jesus "I don't want to leave, I like it here, and I will miss you". He reassures the scared little angel that everything will be okay, and that he is just going for a visit. He is still not swayed on this idea. So Jesus kneels down, and says, "How about if you leave half of your heart here with me and take the other half with you, will that be okay?" The angel smiles and says, "I guess that will work". But the little angel is still a little scared.


"Will I be okay with only half of my heart?" Jesus replies, "of course you will, I have other angels there that will help out, and you will be fine." Then Jesus gives the angel more details about his plan. He says "When you are born, your mommy will be scared, so you have to be strong, and when you feel weak just remember that I have the other half of your heart. Enjoy your time with family, play and laugh every day, and when it's time to come back to heaven, I will make your heart whole again. Always remember that you are not broken, just torn between two loves."

Cardiology and Tapioca Pudding

What do they have in common you ask?  Nothing.  One scares the shit out of me, and the other is my perfect comfort food.  I suppose without one, I'd have no excuse for the other.  Maybe that's as close as they come to being in common.

I had another echo this afternoon.  No change, which I suppose is good.  You'd think by now it would have sunk in that he's not going to just get better on his own.  Yet I pray every day for just that very thing.  The tech asked me if I was grateful for having received his diagnosis ahead of time.  I told her it was a mixed blessing.  I admitted that I can finally be thankful, knowing that I will deliver in a room full of people who already know what is going on and can step in and help.  But on the other hand, this is the last pregnancy for me, and I find myself too worried to just enjoy and appreciate it for what it is.  So that's hard.

Dr. Adel came in for a few, answered a couple of questions and then sent us off.  We toured "labor and delivery" which consisted of 2 labor and recovery rooms, and 1 operating room.  With Mason, I was wheeled in, drugged to the hills, with really no idea of what my surroundings looked like.  Today, staring into that cold and sterile operating room, it really hit me.  And it hit me hard.  Chris toured the Cardiac ICU area and I sat and had a good cry.  It's like, one day I am fine.  Better than fine.  I am hopeful and optimistic and nothing can touch me.  And then reality comes and slaps me in the face, like a cold stinky fish tail and all of a sudden my mind is where my mind does not belong.  Those are the times I come home and make tapioca pudding.  And wish my mother was here.

We met very briefly with Dr. Campbell, one of the surgeons.  There had been an emergency transplant case, and all three surgeons were scrubbed in.  So our conversation with him was short.  I mostly just wanted to see if he agreed with what we are hearing, and also just to meet him.  He is also optimistic that we will get the PA Band and not the Norwood surgery, which is wonderful news.  I continue to pray.

So that's all for now.  I go see the OB on Friday, re-taking my gestational diabetes test then.  For now, I will go drown my worries and fear and sorrows in a bowl of tapioca pudding.

Shower With Dad

I think thay had a good time!

High Fashion

What can I say, the boy loves shoes?!?!

Summer Fun!

Mason loves summer.  He loves helping in the yard and riding his bike.  Now, if I could just convince him to mow the yard!!  That would be great!

Elmo Backpack - thanks Grandma!

I guess Grandma thinks he needs to be ready for school.  Mom think he needs to stay home a while longer.  I am not ready to think about sending my baby off to school yet.

OB Update

Chris was off work today, so I drug him with me to the OB.  We had an ultrasound first, mostly to check growth.  Jodi is the tech there, and we have really come to have a friendship over the years, with my pregnancy with Mason, and now with Jackson too.  All of the measurements looked good.  He's come up to the 56th percent over all.  She checked and double checked everything and gave us an A.  She put his weight at 3 pounds 14 ounces.  She tried to get some fun 3D pics of his face, but much like his brother, he likes to keep his hands in his face.  3 weeks ago he was head down.  But today I knew he was breech before she even hooked up the ultra sound.  He flipped last weekend.  Hurt like hell!  He is "butt breech" she called it, with his butt cheeks down.  He had both fists and both feet in his face.  Silly kid was pretty much curled into a circle.  So, no good pics to share.  I have another ultra sound in 4 weeks.  Maybe then.

Then we wandered down the hall to meet with my OB.  I had my gestational diabetes test 2 weeks ago.  No one called me, so I assumed "no news is good news".  Well, we all know what happens when you assume!  My test result was 129.  A flunked test is 135.  So, yes, I passed, but just barely.  And, she said I have a little extra fluid.  And the only thing that causes extra fluid is gestational diabetes.  So, I left with another "cool aid" and instructions to come back in 2 weeks and be tested again.  YUCK!  Seriously, can't I catch a break?!?!

My c-section is being scheduled for 10-11-12.  No official word yet, but everyone tells me it should be fine.  There are only 2 operating rooms at Childrens for adults, so it's just a matter of making sure we schedule one.

Emotionally I am feeling better.  I have found a few good "heart momma" chat boards, and some local friends for support.  In fact, one friend is at Children's today for her son's 2nd surgery.  I have been praying for Liam (and his mom and dad) all day.  Chris and I check in with each other on a somewhat frequent basis.  He seems to be doing pretty good too.  I am not sure if it's total denial, or what, but I feel good about things.  Ask me again when I flip the calendar from September to October, and chances are I'll tell you I am loosing my shit.  But, today, I am doing alright.

Finally, a Little Good News

We headed back to Children's today.  It's amazing how walking through those front doors can make me want to go back outside and cry.  But, I also look around and see so many kids, some with handicaps and issues I can't even grasp and most of them all have smiles.  It does make me appreciate what we are facing, and know it could be worse.  It's a good reality check, that's for sure.

They took lots of echo pics of Jackson's heart and measured all kinds of things.  I think I was in there over an hour.  He kicked the tech quite a few times, some hard enough to make her jump a little.  He's feisty, no doubt about it.

We met Dr. Adel.  He's another one of the cardiologist docs.  He reviewed all my pics and even came in and got a few of his own.  He was looking to see if things had changed or grown.  I was busy studying his face for answers.  He felt like starting over was a good idea.  Our initial meeting, with the diagnosis, was awful.  The doctor was nice enough, very smart, very professional.  But she had horrible awful no good delivery.  Chris and I sat there, listening, but not hearing, not understanding, not processing.  It was awful.  There's no other way to say it.

So, we started over.  He even took the time to go draw Jackson's heart on the computer so he could print it out.  He doesn't have a text book condition, so there aren't many photos to use to help us understand.  The good news is that his Double Outlet Right Ventricle has made it so that his aorta is (hopefully) regular size and shape without any flow issues.  Knock on wood, best case scenario, we could deliver Jackson and the first surgery (a) could be put off for a few days, or even weeks and (b) would be to simply place a band around his aorta so that they could slow the flow down, otherwise, he'd drown in too much blood to his lungs.  Even better, if he's stable enough, there's even a chance we could bring him home for a few days or weeks before he went back for surgery number one.  My god, I am almost afraid to hope for something as amazing as that.  But even if he had to stay, and get the band done, it would be so freaking amazing to have it be just the band.

He will still get the 2nd and 3rd surgeries.  He will still be a single ventricle kid.  He will still face all of those issues.  But, to avoid the "norwood" surgery, the riskiest of the 3, well, that would simply be a gift from god, and one I would love and appreciate.  Very very much.

We go back in a month, for another echo, and to meet one of the surgeons.  There are 3 on staff, and I'd like to meet at least 2 of them.

And, for sure, I think we've settled on Dr. Adel as our cardiologist.

He did a great job of again reassuring us that this wasn't something we did.  Or didn't do.  It just happened.  There is no rhyme or reason to why congenital heart defects happen.  They are just a crappy luck of the draw.  Some kids get em.  Some don't.  But I tell you, mom guilt is some nasty shit.  They can tell me 100 times that this isn't my fault, and there will still be a part of me that is sure it is.  I am trying to wrestle through those feelings and emotions.

For now, tonight, I think I'll put my feet up and relax.  Maybe even get a good nights sleep.  This appointment found me full of hope and promise, both of which have been seriously lacking in my life.

Jackson Update

I saw the OB on Friday.  Nothing interesting to report.  Which, I suppose is good, all things considered.  We talked about a few things and she sent me on my way up to the 4th floor to meet with the perinatologist.

Since my chart was in Littleton, he didn't have all the pics, or reports from Childrens.  So we got lots of new ultrasound pics.  I think Jackson is the most photographed baby ever!  And he's not even here yet!!

I won't lie, I was hoping that they'd look at me and laugh, embarrassed, and say that they'd made a mistake.  Whoops, his heart was fine.  Ha ha, our bad.  But, alas, that wasn't the case.  I studied the tech's face as she looked at his heart, the small right side ventricle, hard to even find with the wand.  It's hard to say which came first, but the "doors" between his top and bottom chambers don't seem to open and close correctly on the right side.  Who knows if the busted doors lead to the lack of blood flow, or if the lack of blood flow caused the doors to take the night off.  Regardless, things looked the same.  Jackson still will need all three surgeries. 

Our only new issue was his abdominal measurement.  All the rest of his measurements are fine, tracking right along.  His legs are in the 64th percent!  But, his abdomen is measuring in the 8th percent.  Seems he is going to be tall and skinny, just like his brother.  I have to go back in 3 weeks, with the hope that he's come up on the growth chart some.  Otherwise, they say we will have to talk about cutting out my walks, and my laps at the pool.  I don't want to loose either, so I am trying to be better about eating good food, at more regular intervals.  Fingers and toes crossed I can pack a few pounds on him (and not just on me!) so we can cut these growth scans out.

I am trying to mourn the loss of the healthy child I thought I was going to have.  I am trying to work through those fears and emotions and anger.  I am scared to death of losing him.  The idea of burying my child makes me sick to my stomach.  All the way down at the very bottom of it.  Sick.  Sick.  Sick.  I am trying really hard to focus on the positive, and to pray for the surgeons to have steady hands.

I continue to reach out to other mom's with kiddo's who have undergone some of this.  We are meeting a family on Saturday with a 1 year old son, named Samuel.  He has had 2 of the 3 surgeries.  His pictures look like a happy, normal, well adjusted kid.  They give me hope.  I am having lunch late next week with a mom, who's son, Liam, was born in April.  He's had the 1st surgery, with the 2nd set for later this summer.  And I've recently been talking to a mom with an 8 year old boy who had all 3 surgeries here in Denver.  She too was diagnosed while she was still pregnant.  He sleeps with oxygen at night, but keeps up with his friends at recess.  That's not the end of the world, right?

Chris and I check in with each other often.  He's been better at not second guessing our decision to move forward.  I don't think I'd say I second guess myself.  More true, I just let my fear get control over me and it takes me down roads I don't need to go, and let's me dwell in places I need to get out of.  Quickly.

We are meeting with the cardiologist on the 20th.  No doctors appointments or meetings this Friday.  YAY for a Friday off, to come home and put my feet up and relax.

Some Mason Pics

Just some new pics to show off my handsome man.  Loving his new smile.  He's all about "cheese" whenever I bust out the camera.  Too bad I am not loving the attitude that he's been flicking our way lately.  Is he too young to ground?!?  Ugh, he's driving us CRAZY!!  I know he's just flexing his wings, but, dang child!!  Show some mercy, would you??

Baby Update

Well, it seems I may have to go back to blogging on a more frequent basis.  Unfortunately, it's not so that I can pass along pictures of baby all cuddled up at home, just a few days old.  It is  because on June 13th, we were told our son has a Double Outlet Right Ventricle.  What the hell is that you ask?  Join the club!  Basically, the left ventricle of his heart did not form in the first few weeks and will not ever be functional.  His heart will only ever pump from the right side. 

After much crying and talking and researching and praying, we decided to jump in with both feet and hope like hell.  We are scared and unsure of what to expect.  But, we are committed to giving Jackson (yes, that's his name) the best shot possible.  The doctors tell us that his quality of life should be no different than you or me.  He will walk and talk and hug on us.  He will eat us out of house and home and spend many Saturday afternoons in timeout, just like his brother.  He will go to school and play sports (if his mother can stand the idea of allowing him!) and hopefully die an old man, having lived a long and full life.  A mother can only hope.

I will be set for a repeat c-section, sometime the 2nd week of October.  Not exactly the birth plan I had in mind, but, the plan none the less.  And the OCD in me needs to plan as much as I am able, to hopefully gain some control over my fears.  I will deliver him at Denver Children's Hospital.  We will have a few short days to bond with Jackson before handing him over to cardiac surgeons.  He will under go three rounds of open heart surgery in the first 3 - 4 years of his life.  Sadly, the first one will be in the first few days.  I remember crying when I handed Mason over to the urologist to be re-circumcised.  This is going to be heart wrenching for sure.  The only plus I can find in knowing ahead of his birth, is that he can be born in a room full of doctors and nurses who already know he has some issues, they know what those issues are, and they can step in at a moments notice and help him.  I foresee myself loosing my shit in that delivery room.  Maybe I can tip the anesthesiologist and ask for the good stuff?!?

Chris and I will spend the remainder of our pregnancy trying to enjoy it, but also meeting with cardiologists and surgeons and social workers and god knows who else.  It is going to take a village to get us all through this, and I know we will come out the other end a family of 4 blessed people, who know without a doubt, each and every one of the members of their tribe.  We are loved and supported by so many, and that means so much.

The more I reach out, the more of these kids I find.  And the majority of them are doing really well, and the best part - they are totally normal.  Luckily the first 2 surgeries are done so early, they have no memory of it.  They are just normal kids, doing normal things, living normal lives.  Those same moms and dads were right where Chris and I found ourselves.  Scared beyond belief, and putting their baby into the hands of strangers.  Their courage to carry on helps me find strength and courage myself.  If they can do it, and come out the other end, then damn it, so can we.

I will try to update as often as there is news.  But, also be sure to tune in for Mason pictures and funny stories too.  I can't let him get lost in all of this.  I love that little boy more than anything on the face of the planet (well, maybe his dad runs a close 2nd!) and I need his life to remain as stable and normal and balanced as I can.

Construction Room

One big advantage to number 2 also being a boy, is the fact that the nursery is already done.  We just have to boot Mason out.  So, in an effort to make that change go over better, we let him pick the theme for his new room.  And, my boy, picked a construction room.  Wallah!  I give you the construction room!  Now I just gotta get his 8 million books loaded on to the book shelf and his clothes moved over.  And then hope like hell he will actually sleep here tonight!!

Mason's BIG Announcement

Estimated due date: October 18, 2012

Easter Weekend

Sadly, Mason was super sick (like 103+ temps) all weekend, so Easter wasn't quite as much fun, and there wasn't a big ham at our table. In fact, dinner that night was scrambled eggs and Cinnamon rolls. But, after 4 days of not eating anything, I knew he'd eat that. Next year we can have ham and all the fixings. He was happy with some cough medicine and a little side of cuddles with momma.

Visit From Grandma and Papa

I can't believe I am just now finding the time to post some pics from when Grandma and Papa were here in March, but, sadly, it's true. Here are a few from The Children's Museum. We had a good time for sure, but it was definitely a case of sensory overload for Mason at the end of the day. Poor kid crashed HARD for his naps when they were here. What can I say, we like to play hard when Grandma and Papa come for a visit. It's not every day we see them, after all!

We Have Some News to Share!

Nothing like reading the last page of a book, so you know how it ends, right?

Yup, those tests both say that we are pregnant! Looks like Mason will be getting a little brother or sister sometime in October. He says that he wants a sister, but, I don't actually think he has any idea what either means or entails. The thrifty side of me hopes for a boy, since I've saved all of Mason's clothes. But, the dreamer side of me hopes for a girl, so I can experience that relationship as well. To be honest, I am a little scared and really just hoping for a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby. That's really all I want.

I will try to update a little more frequently. Seems 2012 is already slipping past me, and I've been a bad blogger!!

MONSTER TRUCKS!!

I won tickets to the Monster Truck show here in Denver. The best part was when I went to get them from the radio station, they had lost 1 of the tickets, and so they upgraded us to their personal suite! How awesome is that!?!? So, we had an early dinner and headed down to the Pepsi Center.

Mason was pretty scared, to be honest, by how loud the monster trucks were. He clung to either

me or Chris (mostly Chris) while I tried to keep his ears covered. We had gotten ear plugs, but as I figured, he refused to keep them in his ears. His eyes were wide open all night, taking everything in. All in all, it was a lot of fun! A late night for sure, but, well worth it. All the way home he just kept talking about the monster trucks and the wheelies they did and how they jumped over the cars. Ahh, little boys!!

First Post of 2012? No Way!

I don't know how it got to be February, and this is my first post for 2012. I really don't. Well, actually, I think it's called having a 2 year old! I find myself photographing Mason much less and just enjoying him more. He is so vocal these days, asking to read more books (as if that were possible) and watch Thomas on tv, and eat. Good lord, the kid can eat! I don't know where he puts the calories, to look at him you'd think he never ate a thing. He's learned to open the fridge door, much to his father's dismay. Poor Chris, it drives him stark raving mad! I think he's just growing up way too quickly. I was just thinking about Easter Sunday and the fact that we'll get to dye eggs this year. Slow down little boy, slow down.